I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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