I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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