I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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