Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Enjoy the penises
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize