the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize