I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize