I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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