he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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