very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize