I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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