My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize