U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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