If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Screwed.edu
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize