halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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