cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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