I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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