It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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