is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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