You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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