Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize