The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize