i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
BRING THE BAGELS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize