If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize