i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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