Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize