You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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