i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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