yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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