i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
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On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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