just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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