I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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