I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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