We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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