A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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