I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Couch. On fire.
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