No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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