Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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