I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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