I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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