so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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