if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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