hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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