2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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