HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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