hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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