Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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