I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize