the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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