she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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