he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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