All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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